I Will Always Be Shaken

Psalm 62

I would say the most impactful moments I’ve had with God have started with a simple prayer: God, what’s wrong with me? The moment I’m about to tell you about is no different.

For around two months, I’ve been meditating often on Psalm 62. It’s been familiar to me for around a decade, but recently, God has been pressing it into my heart and mind. I didn’t know why until a recent prayer walk.

I realized I was quite nervous about an upcoming meeting I was having. I was filled with anxiousness, and I found myself wanting to avoid the meeting altogether. I knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I went on a walk around our neighborhood to talk with God, and I took Psalm 62 with me. I’ll share the first two verses here.

I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.
—Psalm 62:1-2 (CSB)

As I’m confessing to God my anxiousness and, quite frankly, despair about the meeting, I noticed something from the Psalm—

Wait, God. I am shaken. What’s wrong with me? You have saved me. I have salvation in you. Why am I still shaken?

I was under the impression that a Psalm like this automatically applied to someone like me. I’ve heard sermons, and I’ve said it before, that the people who don’t know Jesus are the ones who are shaken. They are the ones who don’t know what it means to rest in God. They don’t have a true stronghold or rock to stand on.

So why was I shaken?

I inverted the reading, and things began to make a little more sense to me.

I am not at rest in God alone;
my salvation does not come from him.
He is not my rock, and he’s not my salvation.
He is not my stronghold; I will always be shaken.
—Psalm 62:1-2 (Backwards)

As I reflected some more in prayer, I had to be honest with God. This inverted reading of Psalm 62 sounded much more like my experience. I experience this shaken-ness often. I work really hard to project a peaceful countenance, but internally, I’m often a bit unsettled.

The Spirit began to work on me and give me eyes to see something about myself…

In some way or another,

I’m not at rest in God alone
I’m not looking for salvation to come from God, but somewhere else
I’m not trusting God as my rock
I’m not looking to God to be my stronghold

Step by step on my walk, the Spirit was exposing my sin and drawing me nearer to Christ. Eventually, it all clicked.

My “rock” had become people’s opinions of me (specifically those who would be in this meeting.) My “salvation” would come when I heard them say they liked me. My “stronghold” was my reputation in their eyes. My “rest” would come when I finally knew I had their approval.

And boy, was I shaken.

Because all of what I just mentioned is flimsy. None of that can hold a person up, but all my hope was resting there. God made a promise to me, “Brandon, unless you repent of this, you will always be shaken.”

I don’t want that.

Since that moment, God has let me feel my shakenness in several different ways. He’s clearing out my idols. Because of this, I know I won’t always be shaken. One day I’ll be able to say with the Psalmist, “I will never be shaken.” But until that day, I’ll confess, repent, and ask God to cleanse me of all my unrighteousness.

It’s possible for all of us, because God loves us. Christ has taken our sin upon the Cross and gives all who come to Him a new heart and a new Spirit. That new heart can respond to God, and the Word of God can refine it. What a gracious gift.

Have a great week,

Brandon Moore

Photo by Jens Aber on Unsplash