When am I finally going to make it?
That’s a question I feel like I’ve been asking for the last 20 years.
When am I finally going to make it onto varsity? When am I finally going to make it as a starter in college? When am I finally going to make it to the big leagues?
But the question shifted after I finished playing professional baseball.
When am I finally going to be a good husband? When am I finally going to stop needing to repent so often? When am I finally going to make it and not have to worry about growing so much?
I remember the moment I realized following Jesus was a whole-life endeavor and not just a one-time decision.
I was standing in the outfield before a game at Baum Stadium (Razorbacks Stadium) reflecting on some scripture I had read that morning. It had to do with pride and I remember thinking, “I’ve already worked through all my pride.” (Prideful, right?)
In those moments of reflection God hit me with 4 distinct areas that I displaying significant pride. I remember my heart pounding and feeling convicted. I couldn’t wait to get up to the locker room so I could write down what God had just shown me. It was at that moment I realized that the Christian life was exactly that - a life. It wasn’t simply a decision we make and then everything else just kind of falls in line.
But I assumed at some point it would fall in line, right? I mean it had to.. eventually we run out of things we’re doing wrong and arrive at a place of spiritual maturity that only involves (at most) maintenance.
I couldn’t be more wrong.
Over the last 7 years I’ve spent year after year thinking, “Okay, is this the year I finally make it?”
Translation: Is this the year I finally have less crap to work through? Is this the year I finally get to see God working more through me (with others) than in me (on myself)? Is this the year I finally arrive at my “maintenance level spiritual maturity”?
You might have guessed it. Year after year, I never arrive.
Every year I realize my heart is more messed up than I could possibly understand.
Every year I realize my soul is more prone to idol worship than I could have ever imagined.
Every year I realize my natural spiritual reflex is more ready to run away from God than to trust Him.
But something has changed over the last two years for me. Last year God started to point out verses like this one.
"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”
— 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Great! Part of God’s plan for me is to be made holy and He’s going to do that work in me. I’ll take that…
Now when do I arrive at holy so we can move onto the more exciting stuff? The finally feeling like I have life figured out stuff?
Last year I was committed to growth because I knew it was necessary. But internally I was hoping that I would eventually grow to the point that I had it all together so I could get onto something else.
But this year, God’s doing something different in me.
His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who has called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.
— 2 Peter 1:3-9
I’ve read these verses a thousand times. I love this passage. I’ve meditated on them, prayed them, preached a sermon series through them, used them as reference in countless 1:on:1 meetings. I would have probably even said these were verses I live by.
But this year, God’s exposed me with that little phrase: “if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
My entire Christian life I’ve wanted the fruit without the growth. I’ve seen the growth as a “necessary evil” to get to a place that was fruitful but didn’t require anymore growth.
According to Peter, that’s not a real thing. Fruit only happens when there’s growth.
So, I give up.
I give up thinking that one day I won’t have to work as hard to grow. I give up thinking that one day I’ll get to the bottom of the “junk drawer” that is my heart. I give up thinking that one day I’ll “finally make it.”
My new commitment is to grow. To grow the way Peter describes and to grow the way Paul describes in Romans 8.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed into the image of his Son…”
— Romans 8:28-29
God’s desire for those of us He has saved is simple: be conformed into the imagine of Jesus Christ.
So? That’s my plan. How do I grow to be as much like Jesus as possible? Instead of approaching life with an exhausted, “Gosh, will the hard work of growing ever end?” I’m going to finally experience the joy Psalm 51 talks about.
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.”
— Psalm 51:7-8
Who’s with me? How would your life change if you saw everything in your life as an opportunity to be made more like Jesus?
The junk drawer of our hearts are a bottomless pit. Our only hope at joy is to commit to inviting God to search through our hearts and remove everything harmful to us. We must. There’s restoration waiting for us on the other side.
Brandon, He peels us like an onion and refines us like silver. He will never quit because of His love for us. We are just required to “ Get used to different”.